Marriage is ordained and instituted by God. Marriage is sweet. But Marriage is a marathon, it takes a lot of God's grace and godly counsel to win it. We must be careful to give only goodly counsel. Our counsels can make or mar a home.
I will tell a short story.
In my first year in the university there was couple who lived opposite our student apartment. They were always fighting. There was hardly any month they didn't throw themselves to the streets. Sometimes it got as bad as going naked when they fought. It was a sour marriage or so we thought.
Neighbours would separate them when they fought but were often treated to a round of insults by the couple. As the fights continued more people began to ignore them. One fateful night, a well wisher who defiled the onlooking neighbours got a thorough beating from the fighting couple for daring to settle their quarrel. The fellow learnt a painful lesson.
The funny thing about this couple was that after every humiliating fight they took minutes to cool off and still returned to their room. The next day it was as if the fight never happened.
I have learnt to be very careful in intervening in people's marriage. In fact the less you know about other people's marriage the better. The Bible says none should suffer as a busybody in other men's matter (1 Peter 4:15). It is better to PRAY. Marriage is spiritual and your prayer can cure an ailing marriage.
However when it is inevitable that you give a counsel on a troubled marriage, these will guide you.
1. Never suggest they made a wrong choice.
Sometimes one may look at a couple and wonder how they wound up together, they look complete misfits. In counseling them in troubled times never imply that they aren't meant for each other. In marriage that advice is dangerously late. Your advice should be tailored towards how to make it work. Every temperament can be worked on and prayerfully improved.
2. Never say one party is a jinx.
Sometimes people get married and tough times come. For example, a loss of job or business failure. The affected party, say the man, begins to feel jinxed. He comes to you, narrates his ordeal and expect you to confirm it. Don't do it! Instead remind the weakened party(ies) that marriages come with tests. Admonish them to pass it together.
3. Never suggest an evil payback.
In a movie I saw a long time ago, a man was unfaithful to his wife and she reported to her friend. She was adviced to sell off vital property as pay back. She did it gladly and jointly suffered the consequences. No matter how gruesome one of the couples has been, never suggest something bad to suffering party. Your role as a counsellor is to build not to destroy. Sometimes you feel the pain especially when it's a close relative but you must do the Christian thing- be a peace maker.
4. Never say divorce.
God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Divorce is cheap today but God hates it. How can people be in marriage for a month and file for divorce?! It is because it was an option to them. Divorce is not an option! God hates it!
Years ago a couple ran to an elderly man who I was with and said they had gotten documentation for divorce, they merely came to notify him. By the time he was through counselling them they submitted the documents to him. Thankfully they hadn't filled them. Let all your counsels be life saving.
In conclusion, marriage storms are real but so also is the power of God and godly counsel to calm them. Always look to the possibility of joy and laughter even when all seems bleak. In the time of need of wearied couples BE THE VOICE OF STRENGTH.
* * *
Kindly leave comments and questions or share experiences that could help someone. God bless you.
Picturr credit: Pubzi
I will tell a short story.
In my first year in the university there was couple who lived opposite our student apartment. They were always fighting. There was hardly any month they didn't throw themselves to the streets. Sometimes it got as bad as going naked when they fought. It was a sour marriage or so we thought.
Neighbours would separate them when they fought but were often treated to a round of insults by the couple. As the fights continued more people began to ignore them. One fateful night, a well wisher who defiled the onlooking neighbours got a thorough beating from the fighting couple for daring to settle their quarrel. The fellow learnt a painful lesson.
The funny thing about this couple was that after every humiliating fight they took minutes to cool off and still returned to their room. The next day it was as if the fight never happened.
I have learnt to be very careful in intervening in people's marriage. In fact the less you know about other people's marriage the better. The Bible says none should suffer as a busybody in other men's matter (1 Peter 4:15). It is better to PRAY. Marriage is spiritual and your prayer can cure an ailing marriage.
However when it is inevitable that you give a counsel on a troubled marriage, these will guide you.
1. Never suggest they made a wrong choice.
Sometimes one may look at a couple and wonder how they wound up together, they look complete misfits. In counseling them in troubled times never imply that they aren't meant for each other. In marriage that advice is dangerously late. Your advice should be tailored towards how to make it work. Every temperament can be worked on and prayerfully improved.
2. Never say one party is a jinx.
Sometimes people get married and tough times come. For example, a loss of job or business failure. The affected party, say the man, begins to feel jinxed. He comes to you, narrates his ordeal and expect you to confirm it. Don't do it! Instead remind the weakened party(ies) that marriages come with tests. Admonish them to pass it together.
3. Never suggest an evil payback.
In a movie I saw a long time ago, a man was unfaithful to his wife and she reported to her friend. She was adviced to sell off vital property as pay back. She did it gladly and jointly suffered the consequences. No matter how gruesome one of the couples has been, never suggest something bad to suffering party. Your role as a counsellor is to build not to destroy. Sometimes you feel the pain especially when it's a close relative but you must do the Christian thing- be a peace maker.
4. Never say divorce.
God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Divorce is cheap today but God hates it. How can people be in marriage for a month and file for divorce?! It is because it was an option to them. Divorce is not an option! God hates it!
Years ago a couple ran to an elderly man who I was with and said they had gotten documentation for divorce, they merely came to notify him. By the time he was through counselling them they submitted the documents to him. Thankfully they hadn't filled them. Let all your counsels be life saving.
In conclusion, marriage storms are real but so also is the power of God and godly counsel to calm them. Always look to the possibility of joy and laughter even when all seems bleak. In the time of need of wearied couples BE THE VOICE OF STRENGTH.
* * *
Kindly leave comments and questions or share experiences that could help someone. God bless you.
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