It should have been the time of my life but it wasn't. I was a bored bookworm. It wasn't that I didn't have friends, I did have friends but we weren't close. My friends, indeed all boys, like girls a lot. They couldn't hang out without girls and I couldn't hang out with girls. First I was tongued tied around them, secondly I didn't want to break my sexual purity.
I literally lived by Job 31:1. I had read that verse so often that I could memorise it at sleep. "I have made a covenant with my eyes, why then should I look upon a young woman?" This was my code and I lived by it.
But as much as I wanted to be me, I was bored and was at risk of being a social misfit. I made up my mind to enjoy my youth but not to sin in it. I would go out with my friends, wave to the girls and keep my social dignity.
I did that successfully until that fateful day at Marie's birthday party. I didn't drink like the other boys, never did, but I got a little excited that night and spoke more freely than ever. I think my friends noticed and they set me up. That's what it was, a set up. They introduced me to Marie's right hand lady and we got talking.
I amazed myself that night, I can't say if it was the music or the dim light but I was talking, talking freely to a girl. Unbelievable! The night ended quickly and I didn't drink my first bottle though she drank freely as we spoke. We exchanged contacts and it was bye forever, I thought. But it didn't happen.
In the days following we called and saw frequently. Everyday after classes we began to hang out, I would read late into the night when I returned from our outing of love. Yes, I was in love. We spoke too freely for comfort. We enjoyed one another's company and it didn't take time for the other students to call us couple.
Eventhough it had been only two weeks since we met, it was like we had been friends all our lives. The strange thing about the relationship was that she was alpha. She always started the right conversations, set the right moods and basically kept the relationship alive. But that shouldn't have bothered me but it did particularly because she touched me freely. It felt good and cozy but somehow it was against what my Christian ethics.
I wanted to tell her to slow down but I couldn't. Whenever we were together time flew, if I didn't see her in a day I had a rough night. I was always thinking about her and smiling to myself. I was always working up ways in my head to make her laugh when we saw. She was a beauty and she was obviously more experienced in relationship matters but I wanted to please her and make her happy.
In the third week of our love burst, she invited me to her house for a weekend chat. She promised to cook something special since I hadn't tasted of her cooking. I didn't like it but couldn't refuse. She lived with her parents and came to the campus from there everyday. I was scared of meeting her parents but was consoled by the thoughts that I was good material to show parents.
The d-day came and I battled through what to wear, eventually I dressed up and was out. I got to the house a few minutes before the agreed time- 4pm. It was a well furnished house and pictures of her family hung on all walls. It was quiet. Too quiet.
She told me we were home alone, that everyone had to travel unscheduled earlier that morning. Sweat broke on my forehead and around my arm pit. For the first time in this relationship, I was genuinely scared. I couldn't help but to think about illicit sex. I convinced myself it wouldn't happen and prayed under my breathe. My head kept shouting, Joseph Flee! Joseph Flee!
She spoke reassuringly to me as if to calm my fears and served the meal immediately. As we ate I got relaxed and scolded myself for thinking the worst. It was a fun time together. We shared deep secrets about ourselves and family. I let off a lot of heart load that evening and before long we hugging each other reassuringly that all was well. Her parents didn't return that day and it was a 'loonngg' night!
To cut a long story short I slept there that night and it was a sorry night. My vow was broken and the hurt was irreparable. It is amazing how quickly love turns to hate, I remember the story of Amnon and Tamar this was a kind of repeat. I detested her, the love or was it lust was gone. I had regained my consciousness. She didn't feel any remorse of any kind rather she comforted me that she should have been the one feeling hurt. I hated her, she had it all planned out from the beginning and I fell.
I didn't see her for about a week, I left the campus to an undisclosed location. I went to settle with God. She kept calling me, and sending all kinds of lovely messages. I was full of shame but was also beginning to miss her. I could sense her wicked scheme in every message she sent but was been drawn to it. I knew I needed help to make it out in one piece. She was as harmless as a dove and as poisonous as an adder. I was a fool once but I vowed never to be a fool again.
But then I returned to school...
Author's Note
I find it difficult to make a comment on this at this time so I'll simply say:
"Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." - Matthew 26:41
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